Sunday, January 31, 2010

more than friends, or is this the end?

Q: I have a friend of the opposite sex, who I really do like "as a friend", but NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING more. He doesn't seem to get the hint, and continues to do things to try to impress me, I guess in the hopes that I will eventually like him. I've told him on numerous occasions that we will never date. Should I continue to be friends w/him if he keeps hoping it will become something more, or have I covered my bases by already telling him I do not ever see us dating?

A: This is such a tough situation, because it does sound like you value his friendship, but you also know he continues to hope for more. My suggestion is to prevent one on one time with him. If he calls, you can still talk to him, if y'all do stuff in groups, it's fine to continue to be around each other. I'm sure it is in the one on one times he gets his hopes up that there may be a smidge of hope that you could become a couple.

happy dating! `A

Saturday, January 30, 2010

someone can't take a hint.....

Q: I liked my date enough to invite him in post-date, now he doesn't seem to know when to leave. How do I politely say "I'm ready for you to leave, so I can go to bed."?

A: I can definitely say I've been there before! First of all, there is just something so awkward about the first few dates, when you invite him in post-date. You sit on the couch, but you don't know if you should sit RIGHT next to each other, or on opposite ends of the couch, do you sit semi-close, or do you sit in totally different chairs?....oh decisions, such awkward decisions! Then, it's time to decide on a television show. You have no clue what their likes/dislikes are, so you don't want to suggest something "stupid", but you don't want to suggest something "boring" either.

Anywho......on to the actual question. You can begin with subtle hints like "Wheww, I've sure got a long day ahead of me, not looking forward to that" which should be interpreted "Man, it's getting late, I need to get up early, time for you to leave."

If that doesn't work, then you can move on to things like "So, what time do you have to get up tomorrow? I have to get up @ 5:30, and I sure am Miss Cranky Pants if I don't get my 8 hours sleep" Which should be interpreted as "Hey buddy, it's getting really late, and I want you to leave."

If these hints don't work, you can go put on your PJs and say "well I know you need to get on home, so I'm gonna go on to bed". This is NOT to be interpreted as "hey, come to bed with me" You ARE to interpret this as "You are really getting on my nerves for not taking the first 30 minutes of hints I've been throwing, buddy, it's time for you to leave.....PRONTO!!"

happy dating! `A

Friday, January 29, 2010

am I a heart breaker?

Q: I have dated a few guys and tried to give the relationship time to grow because I wasn't initially attracted to one guy. I gave it....oh 6 months and still felt very uneasy/anxious about the relationship. In the meantime...this guy supposedly "fell in love with me". Did I give it too much time? Should I give it more time even though I don't feel like I love him?

A: I'm certain you will begin to notice a trend in my bloggings the more I write. This common them is....If in doubt....DON'T. You will also notice that I believe any time there are hearts on the line, proceed with caution! I'm not saying to never give someone a try if you're not initially attracted to them, what I would advise is to get to know them a little better before going on a "real date" with them. I realize this is sometimes not possible if a friend is trying to set you up, or if they've already asked you out, and you say you want to get to know them better, well, then they are probably gonna be gun shy to ever ask you out again.

Let me ask you this, would you want your eventual spouse to tell you they were not initially attracted to you? Don't you want your husband/wife to think you're the hottest man/woman on the face of the planet?

In the dating "game" [I really don't like that phrase, but I don't know what else to call it] you need to first know what you want. I mean, know EXACTLY what you want! Know the traits that are mandatory in a spouse, the traits that are optional, and the traits that are absolute NOs. The first time you see a trait that is a "no", end the relationship. If it happens to be the first date, then there will be no second date. Do not pursue a relationship any further when you know there is no hope. It's not fair to you, it's not fair to them. They feel rejected, you feel bad for hurting them.

happy dating! `A

to call or not to call....

Q: So, I've finally "taken the plunge" and gotten a date with this girl, now I don't know how often I should call her.

A: This is one of those situations where you are gonna have to figure out what "your girl" likes. Some girls like to be called everyday, some even 2 or 3 times a day, some get annoyed by it. I guess the best way to feel out the situation is to start off small, remember sometimes less is more! You've had the first date, a day or two later you give the "I had a good time, I'd like to do it again" phone call. If it is short & sweet, that's fine, & if the conversation lasts for hours, good for you. Then the day or two before the next said date, do an "I'm just calling to make sure we're still on for Saturday night" call. Both of these calls had a purpose, and weren't calls for incessant ramblings.

IF you really feel like this girl likes you in return, you can send an email/text on the days you don't call to let her know you're thinking about her. Both of these forms of communication allow her the freedom to respond at her convenience.

Personally, I get annoyed if someone calls me all the time. If you start calling me in the morning too.....STRIKE! Don't get me wrong, every once in a while, a "I hope you have a great day" phone call on the way to work is fine, but normally my morning is so rushed, you're hindering my progress while I'm trying to get ready for work.

happy dating! `A

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

pick up lines

So guys, I've got a new pick up line for you, one I can almost BET you've never used before! I will give this guy credit for "using the surroundings" to create the topic of conversation, BUT it didn't give me the "warm fuzzy butterflies" feeling, so negative points there.

Here's the setting: I am in a food court during my lunch break, and I have on my scrubs. I can feel someone standing right over my shoulder staring at me. So I turn around, and he says "where do you work", I answered, and then he says "So what do they do about high cholesterol?". WOW! Nothing makes a girl wanna date someone more than knowing their health problems right up front!

hoping you guys have better luck w/your pick up lines!

happy dating! `A

social blunders

Q: So, let's say you're in a "group" of people, and there is a girl you are kinda into, and she is either shy, nice to everyone, or not interested in you. If I make the "usual" moves on her, I risk making this "group" awkward because I see her on a regular basis. So, what do I do a) ask her out right then and there b) make a note that says "do you like ___? check yes or yes, have someone deliver it & bring it back w/the answer c) ask a mutual friend with whom you feel would give you a straight answer or d) something completely unexpected, spontaneous, and brilliant.

A: This is such a dilemma! When you have a mutual group of friends, it is so difficult to determine when to make the moves! While I do like the "note" idea, unless you're 7, I think this might be a little old fashion. While asking a mutual friend is probably the best place to start you must take into consideration how good of a friend the middle man is with the girl in question. If this "middle man" is BFF w/this girl, she will totally tell her that you like her, which brings the awkwardness to a totally different level. Now you know that she knows that you like her, and you're not doing anything about it.

I guess when walking on thin ice, and not wanting to disrupt the "group", it is best to start w/a mutual friend to see if she's into you at all. [Which I realize is TOTALLY contradictory to my "man it up" post]. The only reason I say start w/the mutual friend, is to see if you get an absolute "no". If she's totally not into you, better to find out from the friend, and then not make it awkward for everyone involved. If you get a maybe, & obviously if you get a yes, THEN you must move to "operation man it up" and just ask her out!

ONLY because you are gonna be in this Sunday school class, step-aerobics class, or in the same office for extended periods of time w/this person do I suggest using the middle man! Otherwise, I'd say just ask her out already!

happy dating! `A

Monday, January 25, 2010

the gift of singleness

I realize, there are times in life when being single just plain sucks. There are days where you feel like you wake up alone, you come home to an empty house, you eat dinner alone, you get invitations to weddings for you "and guest", but you have no "guest" to take. If we dwell in these times, we will live a life of complete loneliness. We must take time to think of the many benefits singleness carries.

If you want to eat pizza at 9:00 am, you can cook one.
If you want to make a large purchase, you do not have to ask anyone's permission.
If you want to sleep until 10:00, you don't have to worry about being awakened by an early riser.
If you want to buy 3 pairs of shoes & 2 purses in one day, no one is going to balk about it.
If you want to watch a sappy romantic movie, you can, you can even have a marathon if you desire! [or for the guys, some bloody, fighting movie]
If you decide you want to stay in your pajamas all day, you don't have to worry about someone telling you how bad you stink because you have not showered.
If you want to take a last minute trip to the beach w/your friends, you can do it!
You can keep the toilet seat in whatever position you want!
If you want a dog, or a cat, or a turtle, you can have one.
The remote is yours, all yours!
Never once will you have to hear "when's dinner gonna be ready?"

Please add things that you enjoy about your singleness!

Our lives do not begin when we are married, our lives are happening right now, every single day. Embrace the gift of singleness, enjoy the opportunities you currently have, love your life.

happy dating! `A

Sunday, January 24, 2010

casual vs serious relationships

This post has been inspired after receiving an extremely lengthy email (an email that is certain to be a contender in the "longest email I've ever received" contest) from a reader.

The question I have now been pondering is this: In the dating arena, why would someone choose "dating around" versus a committed relationship?


*Please note the following is
MY opinion and may not express an accurate view of the entire female population.*

I feel those who are "dating around" either
a) don't know what they want b) are afraid of commitment or in the words of my grandmother c) have low self-esteem, and are afraid to be alone. To me, relationships are way to hard to pursue multiple relationships simultaneously. Casual dating is not in my vocabulary. Please know I realize there are just as many women who casually date as there are men, therefore this is not aimed at just the males.

I would like to think that the decision to go on a date with me was not a casual thought that falls into the same category as "what will I eat for dinner tonight?" Hmmm, I feel like hamburgers, so I'll go to McDonalds, feeling like pizza, Papa John's it is.....NO! I would like to think that I was the fillet mignon that you have craved for 3 months as you saved to go to the most expensive restaurant in town, the one that you have been excited about for weeks, the one you have been telling everyone about because this is such a special restaurant. I deserve that! [Somehow this analogy with food makes me think of the movie "My Best Friends Wedding" where she says "
Crème brulée can NEVER be jello!"] I deserve to be treasured, and I will not be "just another Friday night".

To me, the entire purpose of dating is to discover the likes and dislikes you have in the opposite sex, to discover the type of person you are compatible with, and to ultimately find a life long partner. If you are not at a point in your life where you are ready to "settle down" that's perfectly fine, but why become a habitual dater, who never has a serious relationship? Why do you not just form friendships with these people, and not risk breaking their heart?

happy dating! `A

Friday, January 22, 2010

callin' it quits

This is from another female with concerns about how men end relationships some times. I've had guys end things with no mention that it was over, but only after a few dates, never a month or more. I do realize that it would be a completely awkward conversation, "hey I know I've only gone out with you a few times, but I wanna break-up? quit dating? don't wanna see you again? "

Q: Why is it that some guys don't call (or even text-not that I'm a fan of this method) a girl after having gone out many, many times and he has given the girl the impression that he really likes her??? I have a friend who had been seeing a guy for over a month and they seemed to really like each other. He even met her family and gave her a Christmas present (an expensive gift at that). Well just last week, he stopped calling without giving her any clue why. And it's not that he was dropping hints. It was like he called one night and then not the next (or the next or the next and....). Does he not have the decency to tell her he's not interested or that he likes someone else?! What's the deal?

Just a word for the wise....Guys, if you want to hurt a girl, then don't call her after making her really think you like her! Man up and do the right thing!!

A: while it would be a truly gentleman thing to do to acknowledge he no longer wanted to date you after one or two dates, I personally understand it would be weird to have the "I don't think we should date" conversation with someone you barely know. NOW, on the other hand, a month is definitely long enough to have "the conversation". I feel this was a very cowardly thing to do to your friend, and he should have at least sent SOME form of "ending the relationship" communication (phone call, text, email). Again, I think it takes a true gentleman, and a non-coward to do this, but I think any female would appreciate the truth. Well, I think any human in general would rather know the truth, than keep wondering what's up with the relationship. I mean, this does go both ways, some times the guys end the relationship, sometimes the girls do.


(*WARNING* temporary soap box ahead)

In the big scheme of things, generally, the men are the stronger gender, and the females are the weaker ones. Therefore, it is generally thought that men are the protectors, and the women need to be protected. Men, when given this enormous task, please remember you are not meant to only physically protect us, but you are to emotionally protect us as well. This also means guarding our hearts! We are fragile, and we easily crumble if you hurt us. If you do not want to date us, that's fine, we do not want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with us, BUT.....end the relationship IMMEDIATELY when you realize we are not compatible! Did you hear me? IMMEDIATELY!!!! I now have concrete barriers, barbed wire, padlocks, and duct tape around my heart because of previous relationships in which my heart was not protected to the fullest extent.

(now stepping down....)

So, the question for everyone to now ponder is how many dates can you go on before you need to have a conversation about not dating anymore?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

all the single ladies.....

Soooooo, I was informed by a male today that we girls need to give out more signals!

In this conversation, the previous posts regarding fears of rejection were validated, but I was informed that in our desire for the men to "man up" a little bit, we need to give them more signals that say "pursue us". I asked if we should just write it on a piece of poster board & carry it above our head, he said that would be a great idea! So now, of course, the blame falls back on us :)

So, apparently we're not "throwing it out there" enough! Any ideas on what signs we should give that say "I'm interested in you"?

happy dating! `A

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

arms, abs, & butts....

Q: What's the first thing a girl really notices about a guy? Guys are easy; it's looks. Some guys have relationships and never notice anything but the girl's looks. What is it for girls?

A: Let people say what they want, but for most girls, it's looks too. Now each girl is gonna have her own "thing" when it comes to what they notice first. For some it's arms, some its weight, some it's height, some it's eyes. For me personally, it's teeth. If someone has really crooked, or really yellow teeth, I think that's a turn off.

Once you have some attraction to the guy, it's gonna be personality. You want someone who makes you laugh, someone who you can have easy conversation with, & someone who you can just make eye contact with, and they know what you're saying.

Now there are some guys, who you are not initially attracted to, they are not necessarily UNattractive, but you wouldn't classify them as "hot" in a room full of guys, but anyway....you may not be initially attracted to them, but the longer you hang out with them, the more you become attracted to them because they have a great personality!

happy dating! `A

Jelly Belly

Q: Why am I fat?

A: I'm no dietitian, nor am I a physical trainer, but my guess is you don't know when to put the fork down, and you rarely get off your rump.

You may not need to have a body builder's physique, but if a girl doesn't like the curb appeal, she sure isn't gonna be interested in what's on the inside. Get your butt in gear, and get in shape!

happy dating! `A

Monday, January 18, 2010

a question for the lads....

So guys, this is your chance to share your dating advice. We have 2 questions from a lady in the audience. Unfortunately, since I am a lady, I can only give my opinion; which will not be very helpful to the female population!

Q: Why do MOST guys nowadays not just ask a girl out? They want to get to know her, talk to her friends, & take forever before actually just asking the girl out?! What's the deal!? Just ask a girl out already! Man up! (this is `A here, I just wanted to add that I LOVE the man up!)

A: This will be the guys opportunity to tell us "the rest of the story" BUT, my OPINION on this subject is this: a) they are terrified of rejection: they want to REALLY make sure the girl is gonna say yes before they ask her out b) they are terrified of commitment: they want to really make sure this is someone they like before "committing" to a relationship.

Q: How does a girl know when a guy likes her?

A: Fellas, this one is ALLLLL you!!! answer away, PLEASE let us know!!

happy dating! `A

attention seekers

Q: What's the best way to get the attention of a female you are interested in (who otherwise doesn't know you exist)?

A: Hire a sky writer to write it in the clouds. Oh, that's not in your budget? Ok, well then, for the "average consumer" here are some suggestions:

First she needs to know you exist. This means you will HAVE to approach her for conversation!! Girls like to be pursued. It is your job to do the pursuing. You do not have to have some amazing pick up line. Begin the conversation based on your surroundings. If you are in school, ask about homework or a project that's due soon. If you have mutual friends, ask about the friend(s) you both know. If you're cousins, talk about the family reunion. [This only applies to AL & MS residents] This initial conversation will probably not be an hour long conversation, it will more than likely be no more than a few sentences. Do not despair. This does not mean she isn't interested. *WARNING* if by chance, she keeps looking away while you are talking to her, if she keeps staring at a friend with a look like "HELP, come save me" then, she's probably not that into you.

You are going to have to be patient at first. You will have to wait for a few chance encounters before deciphering if she is interested in you. If you walk in the room, and she immediately grins, that's a good sign. It's ok to send her a friend request on facebook, but don't do it the same night you meet her, that could come across as a little stalkerish. If you wait a few days, it appears, that you just "happened" to notice her on someone elses friend list, and it makes you seem like a little less of a creeper.

happy dating! `A

Saturday, January 16, 2010

creative date ideas

I know it probably seems like girls are always hatin' on guys & their lack of dating knowledge, so I decided to try to help the fellas out a little!

I know dinner & a movie is considered a "typical" date. I'm sure many times you've searched for more creative ideas, but come up short. I will share a few "non-traditional" dates I've been on, and allow others to post creative ideas from their dates past, or even possibly their dream dates. I hope it helps you in your dating endeavors!

I once dated a guy for an entire month before we ever even went to a restaurant on a date. He definitely probably gets the A+ for most creative dates.

Below are my "creative date" ideas for you. PLEASE add comments of additional creative dates!

- going to play a sport of some sorts (tennis, basketball, throwing the football @ a park) this allows you time to talk, see a little personality come out, and see how competitive they are.

- ice skating

-a local concert

- going to a park (if you live in T-town the quad is excellent for many adventures, the arboretum is also a sweet place to go in Tuscaloosa)

-if you or your date has a dog, you can take them to a dog park

- if there is a lake, or river, or any body of water, you can find a place to go and watch the sunset. Lake Nichol also has some great cliffs where you can go....and contrary to popular belief, some people actually DO go there just to talk, and not to make out :)

-go fishing (but guys, you WILL have to bait the hook, and take the fishies off)

-around Christmas you can go looking @ Christmas lights

look forward to hearing your ideas.

happy dating! `A

Thursday, January 14, 2010

websites of interest

While I am the official "guru" of dating dilemmas, there are a few others who have taken time to write some articles about dating/singleness that I thought may interest you.

7 Ways to celebrate singleness:

http://www.lifeway.com/article/?id=165754

Dating & Courtship
http://www.boundless.org/datingcourtship/

Flirting vs. Attraction

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,582852,00.html


happy dating! `A

was it a date?

FYI to all of my readers, this is more of a "scenario" submitted rather than one single question.

SCENARIO:
I went to a mid-week dinner with a girl whom I was interested in. She later informed me that I had made some mistakes during the "date". Firstly I didn't consider it a date but more just hanging out.

Q1: I told her she looked nice. She advised me that I should have said she looked beautiful. Isn't that a little steep for one to say if you aren't even on an official date??

A1: I believe you are correct. "beautiful" would be a word that should be saved for a girlfriend, not a friend who happens to be a girl. Although, complimenting a friend (who is a girl) in any way on her looks, COULD be mistaken as you being interested in her. I'm not saying you should NEVER tell a girl she looks nice, but know where "the line" is in your friendship first.

Q2: I should have clarified what we were on....I should have asked her "to go on a date", not "to dinner". Is it necessary to use the word "date" when asking a girl out?

A2: The word "date" does not need to be added when asking a girl to dinner, BUT if you truly only want it to be as friends, that does need to be clarified. If it is undefined, then it definitely is an awkward moment when your server only brings one check, or asks "will these be separate checks?" The girl then doesn't know whether you meant it to be a date, and she will look stupid offering to pay for her own, but she also doesn't want you to think she thought it was a date, when you in fact, didn't think it was a date.

SCENARIO CONT: She also said she wasn't interested after that and never wanted to date me. (She later denied saying that) I came back at her by saying it was okay and I had just started talking to someone else recently. She starts crying....what did I do wrong???

A: Whether she wanted to date you or not is beside the point. At that moment, you rejected her. Anytime we (the female population) are rejected, we cry, whether or not we wanted to date you in the first place.

happy dating! `A

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Love Triangle

If you're like me, you may have to read this one through a few times to comprehend it!

Q: What if you are friends with one girl who likes you, but you like her friend who you don't know well enough to just call up on your own? (The classic love-triangle, except "her friend" doesn't necessarily not like you and you of course met "her friend" through her in the first
place.)

A: Whewww, this one was a tough one for the guru! First of all, until you are in a committed relationship (and by this I mean marriage, engaged, or very seriously dating) your TRUE friendships are going to come before any dating relationship. Therefore, if these two girls are good friends, one of them is not gonna date you if she knows the other likes you. A girl knows that if she forfeits the friendship, and the boyfriend doesn't work out, well, then she's left with nothing.

I know that was mostly about the friendship between the girls....so here's my advice to you. Forget it for now. If the "other girl" likes you, she will eventually start giving you signs that she is interested. At that point, you can attempt to make your move, and see where it goes from there.

Hope that helped some....if not, let me know and I'll attempt to clarify!

Happy dating! `A

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

sigh.......

Q: Why do girls sigh?

A: bwah ha ha! I only know of ONE girl who does this on a regular basis, so that question just made me laugh. I wish I could answer this in person so I could demonstrate the different sighs, and their meanings, but alas, I can not, because then your identity would have to be revealed.

So...I will attempt to explain in words. If it is a sweet sigh, kind of like an ahhhhh. That's a good thing. Something just made us happy. If it's a huffy kind of sigh, you just frustrated us. If there is an extremely deep breath taken before the sigh, we are getting ready to huff & puff & blow your house down, you just made us really, really mad!

happy dating! `A

to date, or not to date....

Q: Should you date someone you're not really all that into at the moment, but you think that the person has potential to grow on you?

A: Heaven's NO! You're risking breaking another person's heart. My answer will always be NO when you put hearts on the line. Get to know the person in group settings, and if you gradually begin to migrate to each other during these settings, THEN pursue a dating relationship with that person.

Q: How do you let someone who's interested in you know that you just want to be friends, if you really do honestly want to be friends and aren't just saying that line like everyone does?

A: Once you know someone is interested in you, it can be a bit awkward. You want to try to "stay normal" when you're around them but you know you're acting weird. We all want to tippy toe around the subject and pray it blows over. In reality it probably really is best to have a discussion with the person and let them know that you truly do value their friendship, but do not see the relationship moving any further than that. The next few encounters you have with them will probably be a little awkward, someone has just gotten rejected, and their feelings will be hurt. Once this resolves, the friendship will more than likely go back to normal.

happy dating! `A

dating 101: 2nd date

As promised, here is the next section in dating 101.

The question is what do you do after date 1, if you want a date 2?

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT immediately text, call, or email your date as soon as you get home. I don't care how great of a time you had, it again says you're trying to hard. You also usually get a STRIKE 1. (if you haven't already gotten a strike of some kind) Although, if I really like you, I'll probably let it slide, and if you were a "maybe", you'll probably move closer to the "no" column.

The next day, it is ok to send a "I had a great time" message of some sorts. This could be a call, a text, or an email. It let's us know a) you had a good time b) you're thinking about us c) you're thoughtful.

If you want to pursue things further do not wait more than 3 days to call her. If you do wait more than 3 days, you will get a STRIKE. Really 2 days is the perfect time, especially if you sent a message the day after saying you enjoyed it.

If you plan on asking her out for the next weekend, do it before Thursday. If you wait until after then, it says we weren't important enough to put in stone. It says you wanted to wait and make sure "nothing better came available".

Monday, January 11, 2010

when you're hot, you're hot, when you're not you're not

Q: How do you know if a girl is really into you? Sometimes she is really flirtatious, and sometimes she is really cold towards me.

A: She's not that into you. If she really liked you, she'd be into you all the time. If a girl likes you she doesn't want you to see the crazy until you're committed to her. She may say things like "oh shut-up" but these things usually are said with a smirk, and possibly a little love tap on the arm afterwords.

If she ever says (in a serious voice) "seriously, that is enough" or "I'm not kidding this time" or "you are getting on my nerves", you really are probably annoying the ba-geez-ies outta her, and no one wants to date someone that annoys them.

happy dating! `A

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Playing hard to get?

Q: Do girls play hard to get, or are they not playing? How much persistence is too much persistence? If one call/email doesn't attract their attention, should you go ahead and move to the next one?

A: Yes, sometimes girls DO play hard to get. The question is how hard are they playing? If they are playing hard to get in a flirtatious way then you're probably on the right track. If every single time you approach them, talk to them, call them, email them they ignore you or are short with you, then they're probably just not that into you.

How much is too much? Well if one email/call does not attract them, it doesn't mean they're not into you. They could have been busy (really) or had a lot going on, and the timing truly could have been off. You can send an email/call a second time, not more than once in a week though. If there is no response, or a less than friendly response to your second contact, take that as a hint.

Happy dating! `A

drum roll please......Question 1

Q: My girlfriend keeps comparing me to her ex. What should I do?

A: This is a problem she should have delt with prior to beginning a new relationship. You need to get out now, because it will not stop. She needs to heal before she attempts to date again. There is nothing you can do to "fix" it. We all learn from previous relationships. We learn there are some things we want in relationships, and some things we learn we NEVER want in a relationship. However, if we keep comparing everyone to a previous boyfriend/girlfriend no one will ever be good enough.

Everyone should have a clean slate when you begin a relationship with them. The FIRST time you know they are not "the one" you need to end the relationship. It is not fair to continue dating, continue growing closer, and let the other partner fall more in love with you, when you know you're not going to spend the rest of your life with them. Never date someone just to have a boy/girlfriend!

happy dating!

3 strikes you're out....

Most times guys mean well on a first date, really they do. BUT....sometimes they do (or don't do) things that get them a strike....or two....or sometimes even 3 strikes on the first date. How can you prevent this from being you? Hopefully the following list will help you. This list is "door to door" from the time you pick your date up, until you drop her off at the door. This is not in order of importance.

1. Do NOT be late. - If you say you're gonna be there @ 7:00, be there @ 6:58, not 6:40 (we're still trying to pick out our shoes) and not 7:15 (we're getting impatient).

2. Do NOT bring flowers. - It says you're trying to hard, & we don't know how to respond. We don't know whether to shake your hand, give you a hug, or leave you standing at the front door while we take them immediately to put them in water.

3. DO open the car door for us. - It says you're a gentleman, and your momma taught you well.

4. Do NOT TELL us where we are going to eat. ASK us where we would like to go. It is best to say, I thought about going to A,B, or C, which would you like? If you just ask where we would like to go, we do not know what your budget is. We don't want to suggest something too cheap, nor do we want to suggest something to expensive. We don't know if you're on a McDonalds budget, a Ruby Tuesday budget, or a Ruth's Chris budget. If you give us choices, we still have the "control" of choosing the restaurant, but you have given us a guide.

5. Do NOT talk about yourself the entire time. Ask us questions about our life. Girls like to talk about themselves. :)

6. Have a plan for after dinner. Be creative, every date does not have to include a trip to see a movie.

7. If it is raining, please drop us off at the door. Do NOT park in the parking lot, and then not even offer an umbrella or a rain coat.

8. Do NOT run out of fuel. Please make sure your gas tank has sufficient fuel to get you through the night!

9. Do NOT talk about ANY previous relationships!

10. Walk us back to the front door, give a side hug, and say good night, unless of course, you are invited in.

Stay tuned for "you survived the first date, how to get a second date"....

happy dating! `A

Saturday, January 9, 2010

how to access me....

If you have a question you may email me @ thedatingguru@ymail.com (YES, that is suppose to be a "Y" ymail, not gmail). There is also now a "contact me" button in the top right of the board where you can contact me anonymously. It goes through a server to my email address. All writers will remain anonymous.

I will never publish real names in my responses, but I will post your question, that is, as long as it is appropriate. I will not answer any obscene or inappropriate questions!

Happy Dating! ~A

Disclaimer...

Have you ever had a dating question, and wanted advice from an outside party? Someone who could view both parties without bias? Well here's your chance! Ask away!

In no way do I believe my advice is superior to your BFFs advice, or better yet, the BFF of the girl/guy in question! I have no qualifications for counseling, and I do not take any responsibility if the advice doesn't work. Everything I write will be my opinion, and my opinion ONLY! I'll tell you what I would do. You can decide if you want to try the advice or not!

Happy dating!