How to ask a woman out

I really do not like to just post websites with articles for you to read, but some times they are too good not to. Thinking back to our "man-it-up" series, this article falls completely in line with the topic. Check it out: How to ask a Woman Out!

Ladies Man, Player, or Loser?

Q: If a guy goes to eat at a classy restaurant with 3 girls, how is this viewed by others? Does it make him a ladies' man, a player, or a loser?

A: If other junior high school kids are around, he'll be the envy of them all. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure no one cares.

If he has on tons of bling, a suit complete with cane & top hat, and a gold grill, people will think he's a pimp. If he is old, people will think he's Hugh Hefner (if, of course, the women are, well.....playmate material). If he is ugly, people will think he is rich. If none of the above are the case, and what we have is just an average guy with average girls, then yes, as the guyru said, probably no one will even notice.

Natural Woman

Q: Why do girls get all fixed up for guys, if most of them say they like a girl "natural" better?

A: I think girls get more "fixed up" for the people they may encounter along the way rather than their guy. If you think about it, if the two of you are just hanging out at the house for the night, rarely do you get all dolled up, usually a t-shirt & jeans will do. We all know make-up does wonders for some women, but apparently guys still prefer the "natural look" better, don't the Guyru?

This is an interesting one. I, myself, like the "natural" look, even if it's not the best for some girls. Here's why. Guys are visual, primarily, when it comes to attraction but there's more to it than the "cover girl" visual attraction. Getting all fixed up is great for taking a picture where you're posed and only get "one chance" to look good - i.e. the "cover girl". But in real life, you're rarely "posed" like that all the time. You're moving around, making different expressions, the wind's blowing, etc. Some people can hold a good smile for a picture, or be really photogenic, but just not have the same "look" about them day-to-day. It's much more ... alluring to see a girl "in action". I really do think it's something to do with the way Hollywood has conditioned us all to think we have to look like a model all the time. That's unrealistic and maybe unhealthy. I think there's a big disconnect between the way we think we're supposed to look based on the media and what's really attractive in real life. I also think that makeup can be bad for your skin - you never get any sun on your face, and you've seen those people who have a totally different shade on their body compared to their face. Weird. Maybe it's the fact that a girl with the "natural" look seems to have let her guard down; like it's somehow more inviting or she's more approachable. Maybe the natural look is more like what you can expect to wake up next to in the morning (always handy to know beforehand). Perhaps it's poise or the way some "natural" girls carry themselves, but being comfortable in your own skin goes a long way for guys and girls. And I'll say the cliche again: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes straight to the bone!

facebook status change?

Q: I've been dating a guy for a little while now. I want to change my facebook status to "in a relationship" but don't want to freak him out. Am I worrying too much about this?

A: I say let him lead. When he's ready to be "in a relationship" he will change his status. Your status doesn't have to be "single", you can just leave your relationship status as a mystery to all of your profile viewers.

living arrangements

Q: I will be moving soon and I'm contemplating some various options for living arrangements. Which would be most conducive to a dating relationship?

A: Well, first of all, it depends on the type of lady you are trying to bring home.

First we will discuss the dwelling...

Apartment = Less able to commit. With an apartment you are only having to "commit" to something for one year at a time. It also says you don't have time to commit to yard work or house repairs (or don't want the responsibility). It could also say you do not plan on staying in the town for an extended period of time.

House = A little less of a commitment-phobe (even if you are renting). The location of the house is important also. In a college town, if you live in a house close to campus it says you're a little more on the social side of life. You like to party it up and be in the action when there are activities on campus. If you live in a neighborhood it says you prefer more of a family like atmosphere, quiet nights, walks, and sitting on the porch sipping lemonade (which, who does this by the way?). If you live out in the boon-docks it says you're a country boy at heart and like outdoorsy activities.

Now the living situation...

Alone = a little more stable, have grown out of the college life, you're more into "grown up" things. Could also say you've grown to have things your way, and could have issues in transitioning to "sharing space" again. It also says you can afford to live alone.

With roommates = Still enjoy the company of others, possibly could mean you haven't realized you're not in college anymore OR it could say I can't afford to live by myself. Depending on the number of roommates with whom you live also says a little something about you. One roommate is not too big of an obstacle, you may have to negotiate for time in the den, but overall, there aren't too many issues to deal with. Multiple roommates could bring about problems, rarely will you have the house to yourself, much less the den or kitchen.

With parents = Two words: Momma's boy. Not cool. (Unless you're still in high school)

who picks up the tab?

Q: A guy asks you to go to lunch/dinner to catch up. Do you assume it really is just to "catch up" or do you clarify if it's a real date or not? I remember your post in Coffee & Chat said if he wanted to get together and was not already in your "inner circle" he was interested. Help Guyru!

A: So in this situation, maybe it is to catch up or maybe it's to keep on going. Either way I'd say just go with it and let what unfolds unfold. There will probably be enough body language and such exchanged you'll figure out pretty quick if it's a "date" or not a date. With that being said, who picks up the cheque? One of my favorite ways to handle this is to bring a buy 1 get 1 free coupon and when you go to order your entrée, you say to the waiter …"and she will have an item of equal or lesser value," as you slide the coupon to the waiter. [note to self...Guyru is a cheapskate and will not be taking you to a five-star restaurant! If on a date with the Guyru you will more than likely be served at a restaurant where there are pictures of the entrees on the menu board, and you will probably hear the phrase "would you like fries with that".]

But lets say you haven't prepared that far in advance. Guys or girls, here's what I would do when it comes to paying. If the other individual offers to pay and you don't want them to, you say "ohh that's not necessary", but if they insist, then let them. If you are wanting to pay and you hear that line, then politely reply, "well if you're sure" and then let them pay for theirs.

If it's NOT considered a date, but you want it to be, guys, a free meal for her probably isn't going to change things [Precisely! You will not win me over with a free meal, although if you do not at least offer to pay, you will certainly lose points!]. If the girl offers to pay for you on a date, guys - you may have a keeper! [Never have I done this!, ok well, maybe not never, but usually only after we've been dating for a long time, and I do it to just to be nice].

Girls, social custom tells us the guy pays. Heading that off by paying for your own does send a signal. BUT: I like a female who doesn't have to play by the rules. Just make sure if you pick up your own tab, and want it to be a date, send some clear signals that there will be a future (with him in it). [I like the social custom, I like to be "taken care of", and I will certainly let you pay if you want to! I realize I do not speak for ALL of the female world, but I do feel I speak for the majority of them.]








* Guyru's response in blue * Guru's response in red

things to NEVER say to a single woman

First, I must confess, this wasn't my idea, it was inspired by yahoo.com. I've added my own thoughts on each subject, and I'd LOVE to hear your most hated "single" cliches as well.

• It will happen when you least expect it. - Really? It happens every single day to people who are waiting, looking for it and wanting it to happen.
  

• There are plenty of fish in the sea. Thank you captain obvious. We KNOW this, but when we've just been heart broken, this really doesn't help. We don't need plenty of fish, we just need one.
  

• You're too picky. Are you kidding me? Not only have you just insulted my taste in men and my morals you've made me feel like my singleness is somehow my fault, and I should just "settle down" with the next man that walks by. I'd rather stay single than settle!
  

• You'll find the right one....someday. I think I already knew that, no fortune teller there.
  

• Just have fun while you can, enjoy your singleness. So if marriage is such a horrible thing, and fun ends the day you say "I do" why are so many people continuing to marry? There must be something to it.
  

• I wish I was still single. Last time I checked you could be. I can't magically make Mr. Right appear, but you can make Mr. Wrong disappear.
  

• I just want to know why you don't have a boyfriend! I understand you're trying to communicate that you think I'm attractive, and have some great qualities to offer a guy, but what I hear is "What is wrong with you, you're just too picky!"

• You'll be next (when said @ a wedding). Have you been looking into your crystal ball sister Sylvia? You have no idea when I'm getting married.
  

• It just wasn't meant to be. Very comforting. I'm getting warm fuzzies all over right now just thinking about how meaningful those words are.
  

• Better hurry up, that clock is ticking. You actually think I haven't thought of that? Tick, tick, tick....I hear it in my head all the time.
  

• Maybe you're just not trying hard enough, you need to put yourself out there more. So, should I be standing on the street corner holding a sign that says "Hey, I'm single & ready to mingle"?

• It's time to move on. Ok, so yes, you may be right, sometimes we do need friends to tell us to get up off our butts and quit crying in front of a closed door, but if we're not READY to move on, is that beneficial to the next guy we date, ummm no.
  

• Well when Sam and I met...... When did this turn into your story? I still want to talk about me! How can you give me advice on how to date in my late 20s/30s when you got married at 22? Your story about how you had to wait sooooo long really is not valid in my mind, I'm a lot older, and have been waiting a lot longer.
  

throwing the meat out there...

Q: How long should a girl keep "throwing the meat out there" a.k.a. "sending signals" before giving up?

A: I say it depends on the type of communication you are having with this potential suitor. If it is in person (i.e. @ work/church/mutual group of friends) it would be less time than if it is via email/text/social networking etc. I say if it's in person after about a month or month & a half of putting out signals and getting nothing in return, then retreat. If via the internet maybe a couple of months. A guy knows pretty quickly if he's at least interested or not, he's just gotta decide if he wants to do something about it.

(The Guyru would tend to disagree; it all depends on how direct you're being and what kind of response you're getting - online or off. If you're straight up asking him/her out, then once, MAYBE twice, is plenty if you get a response like "no, I have to be up by noon tomorrow and I don't want to oversleep so I can't do anything tonight." Ultimate answer is it's too subjective to put a time limit on it, and it's proportional to how strongly you're coming on to them vs the reaction you're getting. I don't think that online or offline changes anything.)

the marriage bed

Someday, the dating scene will end. You will find your prince charming (or princess) and your marriage will begin. Please make sure to put this on your registry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM4eJ38S7Hw