anuptaphobia?

Q: Do you think most women suffer from anuptaphobia at some point in their lives?

A: For those of you who are thinking "what in the world is anuptaphobia" let me help you out. If you break it down, you can probably figure out the meaning (wow! that just sounded very teacher-ish) moving on..... a (without) - nupta (nuptials) -phobia (fear of).....get it? a fear of being without nuptials? Thank you wikianswers for helping us out here: "The fear of being alone or marrying the wrong person in life".

I bet almost every single woman thinks this everyday, however, if it's at phobia level....that could be problematic. Most of us think "are we EVER gonna find 'Mr.Right'?" In our head, we know someday our Prince Charming will come along, but in our heart, we feel lonesome and unloved because no one "wants" us. There are periods of our lives where we feel more alone, and periods where we are perfectly content in our singleness. For the average girl/lady/female we don't dwell in this "phobia" but it does cross our minds frequently.

I realize that question could have been answered with a simple "yes", but that wouldn't have made a very good blog post!

Should "blind dates" be completely "blind"?

Q: Do you accept a Facebook friend request from a potential blind date set up or not? On one hand, you can get a feel for that person & don't have to give them your number as quickly. On the other, it's a tad creepy & I may not want to share things with them, & I may have to defriend later.

A: I say yes, in this day of technologically savvy people, it would not be "inappropriate" to befriend a potential suitor (or suitee, I don't think that's actually a word, but I like it; therefore I'm going with it). It gives you the chance to see if you have similar interests, and it takes away some of the "scariness" of the "blind" part of the date. If there are certain parts of your profile you do not want this potential date to view: a) should these things even be on your profile, and b) if it's perhaps work information, and you don't want them to know where you work just yet (so they won't be sending you flowers pre-date or anything creepy like that), then you could create a limited profile view for him (or her as the case may be) to view. If by chance you do have to defriend them later, who cares, it's not like they will get a notification that says "Jane Doe just defriended you" they will HOPEFULLY get the hint if they search for you and y'all are no longer friends.

As it turns out, I've encountered this question myself. I don't really see any harm in "friending" them. In fact, the only harm I can see is that it would take some of the mystery out of the whole "getting to know" the other person (remember my comments on "too much information"). Not that it's a bad thing to find some commonality, it's just the "mystery" of dating is what's so entertaining (entertaining for women, that is; for some reason mystery = "romance" for women. Guys don't think that way.) It's actually probably a good thing for guys too, because the candidate can go ahead and pass or fail the attractiveness test! (Thanks Guyru, now if someone is trying to set us up, the guy friends us, and then never asks us out, we're going to think it's because he thinks we're ugly!)

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" summary!

In summary here are the mistakes to avoid when trying to man-it-up:

Mistake #1: "I'm free every night / all weekend!"

Mistake #2: Telling way too much information.

Mistake #3: Disclosing uncomfortable medical conditions immediately.

Mistake #4: Announcing your really weird hobbies or stating the obvious.

Mistake #5: Talking about your ex.

Here's a handy rule: If it comes from an orifice of the body, don't talk about it! examples: vomiting, diarrhea, snot, boogers, ear wax etc....get it? Also, as my dad always said, "If in doubt....DON'T", So if you aren't sure if you should say something or not, be safe, DON'T!

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" Part IV

We hope you have gained some insight into the fine art of "manning-it-up". If you have additional questions, or you are still perplexed by any of our answers, please let us know. The Guru & Guyru are here to serve you & your dating needs, we would never want you to act on any misinterpreted information!

Mistake #4: Announcing your really weird hobbies or stating the obvious.

Guys, if she isn't into hunting, and you announce that you're an amateur taxidermist you're probably making a mistake. Let her discover all the poorly stuffed, dead animals at your place a little later on. Also, she might be willing to take it for granted that you've got a "collection" of common items that everyone has. "Want to come over and watch TV? I've got all the cable channels." (How exclusive.) Now, if you have a collection of all the Martin Scorsese films, and she's into that, then you've got a different situation.

Guyru is so right, if you have a unique collection, which you think she'd be interested in, it is ok to mention it. If it is a fairly common household amenity, do not act as if you have a rarity! - Did you catch the phrase "which you think she'd be interested in" This is key! You may, for instance, have a rare coin collection, this indeed is not an everyday household amenity, however, for me personally.....BOR-ING! Running water = everyday household amenity = doesn't impress me. Understand?
Mistake #5: Talking about your ex.

Don't. Get over him/her already. Enough said.

NEVER! You are out of luck whether you talk positively or negatively about an ex. If you talk about how she was an amazing cook, you're in the dog house because now we feel we won't "match up" to her mad cooking skills. If you mention what a slut she was, and how she cheated on you, you're still in the dog house! a) we're thinking what kind of guy are YOU if you would date someone so slutty; b) we're thinking you're still hung up on her if you're still angry about the situation and c) we're thinking what kind of character do you have to talk about someone in that manner?

NEVER! GET IT? NEVER talk about an ex! (now please remember this is only in the beginning stages of a relationship, at some point there will need to be discussions about past relationships, but those occur during a more mature phase of the relationship!)

Remember, be honest, but put your best foot forward. (That would be the foot without the ingrown toenail(s). If you've got one on each foot...wear shoes.)

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" Part III

Part 3 of our four-part series on manning-it-up!

Mistake #3: Disclosing uncomfortable medical conditions immediately.

I'm not going to go into too much detail on this because it's a whole other topic in itself and it can involve some very sensitive ethical issues, like STDs, and I'm not touching that. (No pun intended.) But, you sure wouldn't want to let it slip that you "thought you had chronic nosebleeds until the doctor said they'd stop if you'd just keep your finger out of there." Or that time you had to be treated for lice, again...last week. Guys, keep it clean; and by clean I mean hygienic. Don't tip her off that you're a slob right off the bat. (There's one exception: if you're in a band, you are exempt from showering, getting a haircut, wearing "normal" clothing, etc.) Guru - seeing the pattern here? Your response would be...?

As always, right again Guyru. Any chronic health condition/improper hygiene condition gives us the wrong impression. You don't want to "air your dirty laundry" up front! Now granted, if you're allergic to peanuts, and we were trying to showcase our Betty Crocker skills by making you a peanut butter pie, please let us know about this allergy. We won't be offended, and we will appreciate not having to perform CPR on our first date.

*If you are in a band, please continue to brush your teeth.

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" Part II

In case you missed part I, this is a four-part series on how to avoid mistakes when trying to "man-it-up". I would suggest reading part I before proceeding! ~A

Mistake #2: Telling way too much information about yourself.

This is easy to do. Why? Because we all like to talk about ourselves. But how many times do we really, I mean really, enjoy hearing every last detail about someone else's moderately-to-non-interesting story? For example, say you (the female) just started playing badminton and casually say you need someone to practice with. What's the better response from a guy overhearing this?

A) "You play badminton? Where do you play badminton? I used to play tennis, but I hurt my elbow when I was rocking a Coca-Cola machine trying to get a free drink at the tennis courts. You see, I'd just dropped my wallet in the toilet and the machine wouldn't take my wet dollars. My grandmother was sure ticked when she came to pick me up!" (For purposes of this post we've got to assume that this is true, but it's worthwhile to note that if you've already got her laughing, and this line is not in fact true and you are kidding, then it just might work - sense of humor is one of the better qualities to have, and it shows that you aren't "scared to death" of her.)

Or

B) "You play badminton? How long have you been doing that? I'm pretty competitive, but I might slow down for ya."

Hopefully you picked option "B". Option A, unless you're kidding and she's in the mood for kidding, is far too much information. Bad information. Option B has plenty of invitation for her to come back and ask for more detail on your competitive badminton career, or even say "you're on!" And that's what you want - to spark some interest in her about you.

Guru - how do you handle a guy making mistake #2?

Correct again Guyru! If you are kidding, then Option A MIGHT work. Otherwise, Option B is the correct answer. This gives us the opportunity to "take the bait" so to speak, and offer a competitive game of badminton. If however, we are not interested, or perhaps too stupid to catch on, then we will just laugh it off, answer your question about how long we've been playing, and give you no other "signals" to pursue us.

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" Part I

The following is the beginning of a four-part series designed to help men find a healthy balance between "manning-it-up" and "digging their own grave" in the dating world. Stay tuned to catch the entire series! Please feel free to add your own insights from your personal dating life!

So guys; it's come to my attention that "manning-it-up" isn't quite as easy and fun as females make it sound. In fact, if overdone it can get pretty annoying pretty quickly to the fairer sex. So this post is dedicated to those among you who don't quite see the fine line between laying the bait and hoping to make a catch, versus hitting her over the head with a club and dragging her back to your place (BTW - the latter is not legal, anymore). Girls, this isn't a free ride for you either. I'd really like to hear from the Dating Guru as to how a girl goes about giving the hint that she's not interested in someone who's overly-manning-it-up, without unwittingly encouraging the thick-witted guy into further pursuit. As Ricky Ricardo would say, "Let me 'splain..."

Common mistakes you might find yourself making when "manning-it-up" (this is for GUYS! Girls, feel free to offer an Amen!).

Mistake #1: "I'm free every night/all weekend!"

If a girl says to a guy that she doesn't have any plans this weekend, that's a cue for a guy to pursue. If a guy says "I can do something any night this week, and I'm free all weekend," well, that just screams looser! I don't know why, and it's perfectly ok to have a slow week/weekend, but you have to preserve some of the mystery! At least pretend your time is valuable, and you are selective with it. Girls like to think they're getting something special. So you should probably suggest one particular day/time when manning-it-up. If she says no, and doesn't suggest another day/time, then tactfully say "well perhaps when you're less busy". Do not say "Well how about the next day? Or the day after that?" That = Desperate. (Desperate = Bad, in case you didn't know.)

Guru - how do you handle a guy making mistake #1? Remember when you posted "I think I would rather you actually tell me the truth than 'soften the blow'."? I know it's a little out of context but, well, unless you tell the guy "You're coming across as totally desperate and it's a big turn-off," then you're softening the blow, right? So...? What to do.

The Guyru is right on here - Amen! Now granted, we all have weekends where we are busy for its entirety, and then we have weekends where all we do is lay on the couch, eat popcorn, and watch T.V. As a girl, if a guy says to me: "Do you want to get together?" , and then he proceeds to say he's available any night, it does scream desperate/loser! If you are totally available, what I gather from that is "I have no friends to do anything with, and no social groups/clubs, and do not engage in any extracurricular activities" Now granted, I do realize what you're TRYING to say is "I really think you're awesome, and because of this, I want to do something with you whatever night is good for you."

The best way to handle the situation is this: Would you like to get together Friday night? If I really do have something to do on Friday night, AND I really would like to take you up on your offer, I will suggest an alternative day....i.e. "Oh I'd love to, but I've already got plans Friday night, could we get together Saturday night, or maybe next weekend?" If I'm not interested, and I'm trying to blow you off, I'll say "I'm sorry I have other plans." I will give no reasoning nor will I offer alternative days.

As a side note, ladies remember not to be too available either. If you're always available, the guy will begin to realize you'll drop anything to be with him; therefore, he will begin to see you as a "back-up plan" in case nothing else works out for him that night/weekend. He will begin to think YOU are the loser with no social life whatsoever.

Stay tuned for more mistakes to avoid!

cry me a river......

Q: I once knew a girl who was breaking up with her boyfriend, and in the process he began crying, and she actually decided not to break up with him. This past weekend I heard of the same thing happening with a different couple. Do all girls respond like this if we [guys] cry?

A: Heck no! Being the guru of dating, you can imagine the tears I've caused to flow over the years, and never once have I reversed my decision! If I'm breaking up with you, there is something that annoys me, bothers me, irritates me, or is morally compromising about you. No tears are going to change this! You [the girl] may allow emotions to drive your decision for this short time, but sooner or later, the annoyance will surface again & you will be forced to go through the "break-up talk" again!

p.s. if you insist on trying the crying tactic anyway, here are some tips: eyes watering up is ok, a small tear here & there is acceptable, but sobbing, & barely being able to catch your breath = big cry baby.

a little cheap date help.....

Ok guys, I'm going to try to help you out a little bit with a new date idea. You may be so creative you've already done this, in which case, I'm sorry, I have nothing for ya! You may need to do a little research, depending on which part of the country in which you live [I don't think I've made it international yet, or else I'd say which part of the world you live]. Yesterday, some friends and I spent a glorious afternoon in a paddle boat at a local state park. While we were paddling around I thought, this sure would be a great date place.

Here are the reasons:
1) It costs $3/person to get in - so far you're only out $6!
2) There are a lot of places you can roam for free once you are in the park. You can go on a hiking trail, go to the beach area, go fishing, or my favorite, the playground!
3) You could also rent a paddle boat or a canoe [as a girl I'd recommend the paddle boat, reasons to follow]. $7/hr - now you're only out $13!
4) If you prefer, you could bring a picnic lunch/dinner, or you could just make it a long afternoon affair.

Why do I say paddle boat over the canoe? a) less likely to topple over b) you get to sit next to each other and gaze into one another's eyes....I mean talk c) perhaps you accidentally both reach for the steering wheel at the same time and "accidentally" hold hands....perhaps. d) she's less likely to get wet.

What do you get out of this? Well, in case you haven't noticed, it's a pretty cheap way to have an amazing date. You also get to see if your girl likes to get dirty. You'll get to see a more "natural" side of her. I wouldn't recommend this for a FIRST date [because we girls really like to get all dolled up for the first date or two, and outdoorsy dates cause us wardrobe predicaments!]. Hope you have a similar park close by because this is highly recommended!

Here is a link for the Alabama State Parks! http://www.alapark.com/

what he/she means.......

What he means, when he says...........

"That's fine" = I really still think you're wrong, but I am not in the mood to argue with you.

"You got a new hair do" = I think you look weird, but I'm suppose to say something, and I can't think of anything nice to say right now.

"You look really nice tonight" = You look smokin' hot!

"I'll call you" = I may or may not call you, I have no idea whatsoever on how to end this night.

"Uh-huh, sure" = I wasn't paying attention to what you were saying, and I'm hoping an uh-huh will get me out of this. [Not to be confused with the more common "uh-huh" which is intended to mean Yes I'm paying attention, carry on, but it really means I'm not paying attention but keep going on as if I was.]

"I'm really not sure what I want right now." = I don't want you. [I'm sure it isn't you.]

"I've just been busy" = I've really just been sitting around watching TV, but you didn't really impress me much. [This can go for both guys & girls].




What she means, when she says...........

"Which outfit do you like better?" = Compliment me.

"I don't know, what do you want to do tonight?" = Entertain me. [I'm so tired of having to decide what to do every time we go out. Make a decision for once.]

And, the always-popular "Does this outfit make me look fat?" = Yes I know it's not the outfit that makes me look fat, it's all the extra weight I've put on that makes me look fat but you'd better not say that out loud! [Can also mean: You haven't told me I look hot/beautiful/gorgeous lately].

"I don't want to ruin our friendship." = I do like you as a friend, but I'm not attracted to you at all.

"Well, what I think WE need to do is..." = What I want is.....

"You can go if you want to" = You're gonna regret that decision later.

it's all about instincts.....

Q: How is it that a girl can tell when a guy is "playing the field" and doesn't want anything exclusive, and why does that make a girl want to be exclusive even more?

A: Well young lads, there is a combination of factors that leads us to this. First, you must remember that it's really a small, small world and girls talk. You'll soon learn that girl #1's first cousin's best friends sister is girl #2's sister-in-law (or something similar). Second, while it does sound crazy, our gut instinct is truly a God given gift that leads us to many conclusions, which usually end up being factual. Third, we can tell by your actions that you're not ready to be exclusive. If you were wanting to be exclusive you would show more interest in us, and be more purposeful in your efforts to date us. Y'all are also horrible at making up excuses when we ask you to do something & you have plans with another girl.....we see right through them!

Now, on to the second part of your question. Why does that make a girl want to be exclusive even more? Have you ever heard the phrase "you always want what you can't have?" When we know (or have a feeling) you are "playing the field", it makes us want to "win". We see it as a challenge because you have several girls you are juggling, and we want to know that we were the best of all of your choices. We want to know that we were the one who was able to make you "settle down". It all comes down to the games we play in the dating world.

we just want a man who will listen

Thought this was funny! (I realized it didn't post the entire cartoon because of space, but if you click on it, you will be able to view the entire thing!)

this is no April Fools.....

This is not so much a question from a faithful follower, but a discussion that arose from a conversation between yours truly....the guyru & guru. It has come to our attention that guys & girls handle "liking someone" totally differently.

You all remember back in junior high when one of your female friends liked a boy and was like 'he's so cute but don't tell anyone I like him!' Well, the normally well-informed and always correct Guyru of Dating has realized today that this behavior continues in full grown, otherwise normal women (in case you can't tell, he's totally talking about me, glad to know I'm "otherwise normal") when there's a guy they like. The Guyru of Dating is always honest with ya, loyal readers, and I'm honestly perplexed by this. I mean, if a guy has a buddy with an interesting (read "good looking") female friend then he's gonna say to his buddy "Dude, she's hot! Hook me up!" But apparently it doesn't work the same way for the ladies. So, Guru of Dating, please elaborate on the female perspective on this situation."

Well, Guyru, in reality, it is the truth. We are terrified for the guy in question to actually find out we like him. We are afraid he may say "ewww gross, I would never date her", and then our soul, our ego, our entire world would be crushed, because we have then been rejected. We are also afraid that we may actually run into him in public after this rejection, and we would then want to crawl under a rack of clothing, which would be embarrassing when we have to crawl out from under the rack of clothing and people stare at us.

This is how we would like for the situation to play out: girl likes guy. girl & guy have a mutual friend. girl tells mutual friend about this "crush". mutual friend then brings up said girl in a casual conversation with said guy. if said guy gives any indication that he is also interested in said girl THEN mutual friend tells said guy that said girl likes him. otherwise, situation goes unmentioned, said girl is informed that said guy did not show any interest. said guy never knows someone thought he was a hottie. did ya get that?

So, to summarize, the guy is still going to have to "man it up" one way or another!