Q: i dated a guy for almost a year and we broke up almost 3 years ago! ever since then we have both dated other people. he has had two pretty serious relationships, while i have just gone on a few dates here and there. while he was in these other relationships we didn't keep in touch, but as soon as he was single again he was calling/texting me. he tells me that he still cares about me and i know for a fact that i am his only ex that he keeps in touch with. i have asked him a lot of hard questions and he always answers me honestly and i do think that he cares about me. i just get tired of hearing that he doesn't trust settling down and that he doesn't want to hurt me again. he says he values my friendship and wants to keep in touch, but i want something more than that (and he is fully aware of this because i have been very open with him). i just wanted to get an outsiders opinion. should i keep holding on? is there anything to really hold on to or am i just being made a fool of?
A: From my point of view, looking in, this is what I see. When he is in a relationship, he has nothing to do with you, but when he is single again, he comes back. To me this says, he is insecure in his singleness, and knows you'll be there to hang out with until he finds someone new. When you date someone for an extended period of time, you develop significant feelings for them, and you wouldn't have dated them for a long time if you didn't think they had some amazing qualities. You find conversations to be easy, and the time spent with this person is "comfortable".
There are words missing when he says "I just don't trust settling down" the end of that sentence is "I just don't trust settling down...with you." I know that sounds harsh, but when you are ready, when you want to be with that person, you will have no doubts. Think about when you've used the phrase "I'm too busy to date right now" what you really meant was "I'm too busy to date you right now" because when you really want to be with someone, you make it happen, no matter how busy you are.
The texts/calls are irresponsible on his part, he should not contact you if he doesn't want to be more than friends. You have made your feelings clear to him, and he is toying with your heart. You deserve more than that. You do not need to hang on to something that is not there. It is time to remove everything that reminds you of him, it is time to end contact. It is time to move on.
I am praying for you even now that your heart heals soon & you will be able to move on.
happy dating! `A
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