So guys; it's come to my attention that "manning-it-up" isn't quite as easy and fun as females make it sound. In fact, if overdone it can get pretty annoying pretty quickly to the fairer sex. So this post is dedicated to those among you who don't quite see the fine line between laying the bait and hoping to make a catch, versus hitting her over the head with a club and dragging her back to your place (BTW - the latter is not legal, anymore). Girls, this isn't a free ride for you either. I'd really like to hear from the Dating Guru as to how a girl goes about giving the hint that she's not interested in someone who's overly-manning-it-up, without unwittingly encouraging the thick-witted guy into further pursuit. As Ricky Ricardo would say, "Let me 'splain..."
Common mistakes you might find yourself making when "manning-it-up" (this is for GUYS! Girls, feel free to offer an Amen!).
Mistake #1: "I'm free every night/all weekend!"
If a girl says to a guy that she doesn't have any plans this weekend, that's a cue for a guy to pursue. If a guy says "I can do something any night this week, and I'm free all weekend," well, that just screams looser! I don't know why, and it's perfectly ok to have a slow week/weekend, but you have to preserve some of the mystery! At least pretend your time is valuable, and you are selective with it. Girls like to think they're getting something special. So you should probably suggest one particular day/time when manning-it-up. If she says no, and doesn't suggest another day/time, then tactfully say "well perhaps when you're less busy". Do not say "Well how about the next day? Or the day after that?" That = Desperate. (Desperate = Bad, in case you didn't know.)
Guru - how do you handle a guy making mistake #1? Remember when you posted "I think I would rather you actually tell me the truth than 'soften the blow'."? I know it's a little out of context but, well, unless you tell the guy "You're coming across as totally desperate and it's a big turn-off," then you're softening the blow, right? So...? What to do.
The Guyru is right on here - Amen! Now granted, we all have weekends where we are busy for its entirety, and then we have weekends where all we do is lay on the couch, eat popcorn, and watch T.V. As a girl, if a guy says to me: "Do you want to get together?" , and then he proceeds to say he's available any night, it does scream desperate/loser! If you are totally available, what I gather from that is "I have no friends to do anything with, and no social groups/clubs, and do not engage in any extracurricular activities" Now granted, I do realize what you're TRYING to say is "I really think you're awesome, and because of this, I want to do something with you whatever night is good for you."
The best way to handle the situation is this: Would you like to get together Friday night? If I really do have something to do on Friday night, AND I really would like to take you up on your offer, I will suggest an alternative day....i.e. "Oh I'd love to, but I've already got plans Friday night, could we get together Saturday night, or maybe next weekend?" If I'm not interested, and I'm trying to blow you off, I'll say "I'm sorry I have other plans." I will give no reasoning nor will I offer alternative days.
As a side note, ladies remember not to be too available either. If you're always available, the guy will begin to realize you'll drop anything to be with him; therefore, he will begin to see you as a "back-up plan" in case nothing else works out for him that night/weekend. He will begin to think YOU are the loser with no social life whatsoever.
Stay tuned for more mistakes to avoid!
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