Taking up for the men

I realize I will probably receive a lot of hate mail after this post, but I have a valid point.....really, I do. Why is it that any "neutral" holiday (i.e. Valentines Day or say an anniversary) that is suppose to be SHARED by both the man and the woman, has an unwritten rule that it's all about the woman? The man is suppose to plan a romantic dinner, or take the wife/girlfriend out to see some chick flick, or take her dancing. Why can't the girl plan to take him to the races, or fights, or to the game, or fishing, or hunting? Why is he expected to send her roses, but she isn't expected to send him a 6 pack, or a new rod & reel?

While I'm at it, why do women expect men to put the toilet seat down for them, but don't ever think to put it back up for their man?

Do I hear a broken record?

Sometimes it becomes very apparent that I have been out of commission for quite a while. When I hear of dates where men talk about themselves the entire time, or past relationships, or show up late, or perhaps are complete duds, I realize there are still men to reach.

MEN. LISTEN TO ME. PLEASE. It is for your own good. STOP (collaborate and listen) sorry, back on track now....STOP talking the entire time, STOP talking about past relationships (until the appropriate time in a relationship, which is NOT the first date). ASK your date about her likes and dislikes, ask about her family, her job, her friends, her dog, her cute shoes....ok, don't go there, she'll think you swing the other way, or at least missed a good opportunity. However, make sure there is balance in the conversation. Don't ask so many questions that she feels like she is being interviewed by US Weekly.

Whew, you made it through the dinner (and a movie if you lack a creative bone in your body), now you've just pulled up to drop her off. Go with a side hug. Always a side hug on the first date. It keeps from scaring the bee-jeezies out of her if you go for a FFH (full frontal hug) and she thinks you might try to go in for a kiss.

If you enjoyed yourself, you can end with "I had a great time, and I'd like to do it again sometime". If you did NOT enjoy yourself, do NOT say you'll call her, do NOT say you'd like to do it again, simply, say "thanks so much for letting me take you out, have a great night"

the end. obey the rules. quit being stupid.

what we really want....

So, it has been a really.long.time. I do apologize.

I now have inspiration for a new post.

Guys, Guys, Guys.....we need to talk. Seriously, pull it together. Grow up. We're not door mats that you can walk over. We're not sitting around waiting on you. We're amazingly awesome, powerful women. Accept it.

In middle school, ok even in high school, our worlds revolved around you. Everything we did revolved around how it was going to make us look to guys. We cared about what we wore (even though later in life we learn y'all don't even pay attention to our new shoes or amazingly cute purses) because we wanted to look great for you. We tried to go to the "right" places because we wanted you to notice. We joined the right clubs so you would think we were cool.

In college, some girls truly are there only to earn their MRS degree. Some are still just as boy crazy, while some use the time to develop amazing life long friendships. Either way, we are still "on the hunt" for you. Then.....we graduate. We still have not found "Mr. Right" and we eventually move on. We get a job, we learn to pay our own bills, we learn to fix things, because we have to, not because we want to, we become successful. Our worlds no longer revolve around you. Do we give up? Absolutely not, but our worlds do not revolve around finding Mr. Right anymore. We have come to realize that at the right time he will come along. We begin to plan our worlds around our dreams and desires....yes I said OUR dreams and desires. It is ridiculous for a young woman to plan her life around a man who is non-existent in her life yet. Does this mean we no longer plan on marrying? Nope, you just have to learn that you can't sit around on your butt planing for a man who may not come for another five years. Do the things that make you happy. Get a dog (if you want one, if you're not sure if you can handle it, get a plant first). Buy a house. Go to Alaska. Sponsor a child. Volunteer. Enjoy life. You only get one. Never have any regrets. Make the dash count!

Is it Love or Lust?

Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?

A: No I do not believe in love at first sight. I believe in "lust" at first sight, but I don't think you immediately fall in love with someone the moment you meet. I believe you can be extremely attracted to the person at your first meeting, and I believe you can have great "chemistry" i.e. good conversation, make each other laugh, a little flirting going on, but no, I do not believe you immediately fall in love at first sight!

What do you think Guyru?

I can't argue with that. As Ludacris said, "It was lust at first sight..." (from the song "Sugar" by Trick Daddy feat. Cee-Lo & Ludacris). Also, from the (great) movie The Devil's Advocate: "Kevin Lomax: What about love? John Milton: Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate." (At least, as far as love at first sight goes.)

How to ask a woman out

I really do not like to just post websites with articles for you to read, but some times they are too good not to. Thinking back to our "man-it-up" series, this article falls completely in line with the topic. Check it out: How to ask a Woman Out!

Ladies Man, Player, or Loser?

Q: If a guy goes to eat at a classy restaurant with 3 girls, how is this viewed by others? Does it make him a ladies' man, a player, or a loser?

A: If other junior high school kids are around, he'll be the envy of them all. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure no one cares.

If he has on tons of bling, a suit complete with cane & top hat, and a gold grill, people will think he's a pimp. If he is old, people will think he's Hugh Hefner (if, of course, the women are, well.....playmate material). If he is ugly, people will think he is rich. If none of the above are the case, and what we have is just an average guy with average girls, then yes, as the guyru said, probably no one will even notice.

Natural Woman

Q: Why do girls get all fixed up for guys, if most of them say they like a girl "natural" better?

A: I think girls get more "fixed up" for the people they may encounter along the way rather than their guy. If you think about it, if the two of you are just hanging out at the house for the night, rarely do you get all dolled up, usually a t-shirt & jeans will do. We all know make-up does wonders for some women, but apparently guys still prefer the "natural look" better, don't the Guyru?

This is an interesting one. I, myself, like the "natural" look, even if it's not the best for some girls. Here's why. Guys are visual, primarily, when it comes to attraction but there's more to it than the "cover girl" visual attraction. Getting all fixed up is great for taking a picture where you're posed and only get "one chance" to look good - i.e. the "cover girl". But in real life, you're rarely "posed" like that all the time. You're moving around, making different expressions, the wind's blowing, etc. Some people can hold a good smile for a picture, or be really photogenic, but just not have the same "look" about them day-to-day. It's much more ... alluring to see a girl "in action". I really do think it's something to do with the way Hollywood has conditioned us all to think we have to look like a model all the time. That's unrealistic and maybe unhealthy. I think there's a big disconnect between the way we think we're supposed to look based on the media and what's really attractive in real life. I also think that makeup can be bad for your skin - you never get any sun on your face, and you've seen those people who have a totally different shade on their body compared to their face. Weird. Maybe it's the fact that a girl with the "natural" look seems to have let her guard down; like it's somehow more inviting or she's more approachable. Maybe the natural look is more like what you can expect to wake up next to in the morning (always handy to know beforehand). Perhaps it's poise or the way some "natural" girls carry themselves, but being comfortable in your own skin goes a long way for guys and girls. And I'll say the cliche again: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes straight to the bone!

facebook status change?

Q: I've been dating a guy for a little while now. I want to change my facebook status to "in a relationship" but don't want to freak him out. Am I worrying too much about this?

A: I say let him lead. When he's ready to be "in a relationship" he will change his status. Your status doesn't have to be "single", you can just leave your relationship status as a mystery to all of your profile viewers.

living arrangements

Q: I will be moving soon and I'm contemplating some various options for living arrangements. Which would be most conducive to a dating relationship?

A: Well, first of all, it depends on the type of lady you are trying to bring home.

First we will discuss the dwelling...

Apartment = Less able to commit. With an apartment you are only having to "commit" to something for one year at a time. It also says you don't have time to commit to yard work or house repairs (or don't want the responsibility). It could also say you do not plan on staying in the town for an extended period of time.

House = A little less of a commitment-phobe (even if you are renting). The location of the house is important also. In a college town, if you live in a house close to campus it says you're a little more on the social side of life. You like to party it up and be in the action when there are activities on campus. If you live in a neighborhood it says you prefer more of a family like atmosphere, quiet nights, walks, and sitting on the porch sipping lemonade (which, who does this by the way?). If you live out in the boon-docks it says you're a country boy at heart and like outdoorsy activities.

Now the living situation...

Alone = a little more stable, have grown out of the college life, you're more into "grown up" things. Could also say you've grown to have things your way, and could have issues in transitioning to "sharing space" again. It also says you can afford to live alone.

With roommates = Still enjoy the company of others, possibly could mean you haven't realized you're not in college anymore OR it could say I can't afford to live by myself. Depending on the number of roommates with whom you live also says a little something about you. One roommate is not too big of an obstacle, you may have to negotiate for time in the den, but overall, there aren't too many issues to deal with. Multiple roommates could bring about problems, rarely will you have the house to yourself, much less the den or kitchen.

With parents = Two words: Momma's boy. Not cool. (Unless you're still in high school)

who picks up the tab?

Q: A guy asks you to go to lunch/dinner to catch up. Do you assume it really is just to "catch up" or do you clarify if it's a real date or not? I remember your post in Coffee & Chat said if he wanted to get together and was not already in your "inner circle" he was interested. Help Guyru!

A: So in this situation, maybe it is to catch up or maybe it's to keep on going. Either way I'd say just go with it and let what unfolds unfold. There will probably be enough body language and such exchanged you'll figure out pretty quick if it's a "date" or not a date. With that being said, who picks up the cheque? One of my favorite ways to handle this is to bring a buy 1 get 1 free coupon and when you go to order your entrée, you say to the waiter …"and she will have an item of equal or lesser value," as you slide the coupon to the waiter. [note to self...Guyru is a cheapskate and will not be taking you to a five-star restaurant! If on a date with the Guyru you will more than likely be served at a restaurant where there are pictures of the entrees on the menu board, and you will probably hear the phrase "would you like fries with that".]

But lets say you haven't prepared that far in advance. Guys or girls, here's what I would do when it comes to paying. If the other individual offers to pay and you don't want them to, you say "ohh that's not necessary", but if they insist, then let them. If you are wanting to pay and you hear that line, then politely reply, "well if you're sure" and then let them pay for theirs.

If it's NOT considered a date, but you want it to be, guys, a free meal for her probably isn't going to change things [Precisely! You will not win me over with a free meal, although if you do not at least offer to pay, you will certainly lose points!]. If the girl offers to pay for you on a date, guys - you may have a keeper! [Never have I done this!, ok well, maybe not never, but usually only after we've been dating for a long time, and I do it to just to be nice].

Girls, social custom tells us the guy pays. Heading that off by paying for your own does send a signal. BUT: I like a female who doesn't have to play by the rules. Just make sure if you pick up your own tab, and want it to be a date, send some clear signals that there will be a future (with him in it). [I like the social custom, I like to be "taken care of", and I will certainly let you pay if you want to! I realize I do not speak for ALL of the female world, but I do feel I speak for the majority of them.]








* Guyru's response in blue * Guru's response in red

things to NEVER say to a single woman

First, I must confess, this wasn't my idea, it was inspired by yahoo.com. I've added my own thoughts on each subject, and I'd LOVE to hear your most hated "single" cliches as well.

• It will happen when you least expect it. - Really? It happens every single day to people who are waiting, looking for it and wanting it to happen.
  

• There are plenty of fish in the sea. Thank you captain obvious. We KNOW this, but when we've just been heart broken, this really doesn't help. We don't need plenty of fish, we just need one.
  

• You're too picky. Are you kidding me? Not only have you just insulted my taste in men and my morals you've made me feel like my singleness is somehow my fault, and I should just "settle down" with the next man that walks by. I'd rather stay single than settle!
  

• You'll find the right one....someday. I think I already knew that, no fortune teller there.
  

• Just have fun while you can, enjoy your singleness. So if marriage is such a horrible thing, and fun ends the day you say "I do" why are so many people continuing to marry? There must be something to it.
  

• I wish I was still single. Last time I checked you could be. I can't magically make Mr. Right appear, but you can make Mr. Wrong disappear.
  

• I just want to know why you don't have a boyfriend! I understand you're trying to communicate that you think I'm attractive, and have some great qualities to offer a guy, but what I hear is "What is wrong with you, you're just too picky!"

• You'll be next (when said @ a wedding). Have you been looking into your crystal ball sister Sylvia? You have no idea when I'm getting married.
  

• It just wasn't meant to be. Very comforting. I'm getting warm fuzzies all over right now just thinking about how meaningful those words are.
  

• Better hurry up, that clock is ticking. You actually think I haven't thought of that? Tick, tick, tick....I hear it in my head all the time.
  

• Maybe you're just not trying hard enough, you need to put yourself out there more. So, should I be standing on the street corner holding a sign that says "Hey, I'm single & ready to mingle"?

• It's time to move on. Ok, so yes, you may be right, sometimes we do need friends to tell us to get up off our butts and quit crying in front of a closed door, but if we're not READY to move on, is that beneficial to the next guy we date, ummm no.
  

• Well when Sam and I met...... When did this turn into your story? I still want to talk about me! How can you give me advice on how to date in my late 20s/30s when you got married at 22? Your story about how you had to wait sooooo long really is not valid in my mind, I'm a lot older, and have been waiting a lot longer.
  

throwing the meat out there...

Q: How long should a girl keep "throwing the meat out there" a.k.a. "sending signals" before giving up?

A: I say it depends on the type of communication you are having with this potential suitor. If it is in person (i.e. @ work/church/mutual group of friends) it would be less time than if it is via email/text/social networking etc. I say if it's in person after about a month or month & a half of putting out signals and getting nothing in return, then retreat. If via the internet maybe a couple of months. A guy knows pretty quickly if he's at least interested or not, he's just gotta decide if he wants to do something about it.

(The Guyru would tend to disagree; it all depends on how direct you're being and what kind of response you're getting - online or off. If you're straight up asking him/her out, then once, MAYBE twice, is plenty if you get a response like "no, I have to be up by noon tomorrow and I don't want to oversleep so I can't do anything tonight." Ultimate answer is it's too subjective to put a time limit on it, and it's proportional to how strongly you're coming on to them vs the reaction you're getting. I don't think that online or offline changes anything.)

the marriage bed

Someday, the dating scene will end. You will find your prince charming (or princess) and your marriage will begin. Please make sure to put this on your registry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM4eJ38S7Hw

anuptaphobia?

Q: Do you think most women suffer from anuptaphobia at some point in their lives?

A: For those of you who are thinking "what in the world is anuptaphobia" let me help you out. If you break it down, you can probably figure out the meaning (wow! that just sounded very teacher-ish) moving on..... a (without) - nupta (nuptials) -phobia (fear of).....get it? a fear of being without nuptials? Thank you wikianswers for helping us out here: "The fear of being alone or marrying the wrong person in life".

I bet almost every single woman thinks this everyday, however, if it's at phobia level....that could be problematic. Most of us think "are we EVER gonna find 'Mr.Right'?" In our head, we know someday our Prince Charming will come along, but in our heart, we feel lonesome and unloved because no one "wants" us. There are periods of our lives where we feel more alone, and periods where we are perfectly content in our singleness. For the average girl/lady/female we don't dwell in this "phobia" but it does cross our minds frequently.

I realize that question could have been answered with a simple "yes", but that wouldn't have made a very good blog post!

Should "blind dates" be completely "blind"?

Q: Do you accept a Facebook friend request from a potential blind date set up or not? On one hand, you can get a feel for that person & don't have to give them your number as quickly. On the other, it's a tad creepy & I may not want to share things with them, & I may have to defriend later.

A: I say yes, in this day of technologically savvy people, it would not be "inappropriate" to befriend a potential suitor (or suitee, I don't think that's actually a word, but I like it; therefore I'm going with it). It gives you the chance to see if you have similar interests, and it takes away some of the "scariness" of the "blind" part of the date. If there are certain parts of your profile you do not want this potential date to view: a) should these things even be on your profile, and b) if it's perhaps work information, and you don't want them to know where you work just yet (so they won't be sending you flowers pre-date or anything creepy like that), then you could create a limited profile view for him (or her as the case may be) to view. If by chance you do have to defriend them later, who cares, it's not like they will get a notification that says "Jane Doe just defriended you" they will HOPEFULLY get the hint if they search for you and y'all are no longer friends.

As it turns out, I've encountered this question myself. I don't really see any harm in "friending" them. In fact, the only harm I can see is that it would take some of the mystery out of the whole "getting to know" the other person (remember my comments on "too much information"). Not that it's a bad thing to find some commonality, it's just the "mystery" of dating is what's so entertaining (entertaining for women, that is; for some reason mystery = "romance" for women. Guys don't think that way.) It's actually probably a good thing for guys too, because the candidate can go ahead and pass or fail the attractiveness test! (Thanks Guyru, now if someone is trying to set us up, the guy friends us, and then never asks us out, we're going to think it's because he thinks we're ugly!)

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" summary!

In summary here are the mistakes to avoid when trying to man-it-up:

Mistake #1: "I'm free every night / all weekend!"

Mistake #2: Telling way too much information.

Mistake #3: Disclosing uncomfortable medical conditions immediately.

Mistake #4: Announcing your really weird hobbies or stating the obvious.

Mistake #5: Talking about your ex.

Here's a handy rule: If it comes from an orifice of the body, don't talk about it! examples: vomiting, diarrhea, snot, boogers, ear wax etc....get it? Also, as my dad always said, "If in doubt....DON'T", So if you aren't sure if you should say something or not, be safe, DON'T!

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" Part IV

We hope you have gained some insight into the fine art of "manning-it-up". If you have additional questions, or you are still perplexed by any of our answers, please let us know. The Guru & Guyru are here to serve you & your dating needs, we would never want you to act on any misinterpreted information!

Mistake #4: Announcing your really weird hobbies or stating the obvious.

Guys, if she isn't into hunting, and you announce that you're an amateur taxidermist you're probably making a mistake. Let her discover all the poorly stuffed, dead animals at your place a little later on. Also, she might be willing to take it for granted that you've got a "collection" of common items that everyone has. "Want to come over and watch TV? I've got all the cable channels." (How exclusive.) Now, if you have a collection of all the Martin Scorsese films, and she's into that, then you've got a different situation.

Guyru is so right, if you have a unique collection, which you think she'd be interested in, it is ok to mention it. If it is a fairly common household amenity, do not act as if you have a rarity! - Did you catch the phrase "which you think she'd be interested in" This is key! You may, for instance, have a rare coin collection, this indeed is not an everyday household amenity, however, for me personally.....BOR-ING! Running water = everyday household amenity = doesn't impress me. Understand?
Mistake #5: Talking about your ex.

Don't. Get over him/her already. Enough said.

NEVER! You are out of luck whether you talk positively or negatively about an ex. If you talk about how she was an amazing cook, you're in the dog house because now we feel we won't "match up" to her mad cooking skills. If you mention what a slut she was, and how she cheated on you, you're still in the dog house! a) we're thinking what kind of guy are YOU if you would date someone so slutty; b) we're thinking you're still hung up on her if you're still angry about the situation and c) we're thinking what kind of character do you have to talk about someone in that manner?

NEVER! GET IT? NEVER talk about an ex! (now please remember this is only in the beginning stages of a relationship, at some point there will need to be discussions about past relationships, but those occur during a more mature phase of the relationship!)

Remember, be honest, but put your best foot forward. (That would be the foot without the ingrown toenail(s). If you've got one on each foot...wear shoes.)

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" Part III

Part 3 of our four-part series on manning-it-up!

Mistake #3: Disclosing uncomfortable medical conditions immediately.

I'm not going to go into too much detail on this because it's a whole other topic in itself and it can involve some very sensitive ethical issues, like STDs, and I'm not touching that. (No pun intended.) But, you sure wouldn't want to let it slip that you "thought you had chronic nosebleeds until the doctor said they'd stop if you'd just keep your finger out of there." Or that time you had to be treated for lice, again...last week. Guys, keep it clean; and by clean I mean hygienic. Don't tip her off that you're a slob right off the bat. (There's one exception: if you're in a band, you are exempt from showering, getting a haircut, wearing "normal" clothing, etc.) Guru - seeing the pattern here? Your response would be...?

As always, right again Guyru. Any chronic health condition/improper hygiene condition gives us the wrong impression. You don't want to "air your dirty laundry" up front! Now granted, if you're allergic to peanuts, and we were trying to showcase our Betty Crocker skills by making you a peanut butter pie, please let us know about this allergy. We won't be offended, and we will appreciate not having to perform CPR on our first date.

*If you are in a band, please continue to brush your teeth.

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" Part II

In case you missed part I, this is a four-part series on how to avoid mistakes when trying to "man-it-up". I would suggest reading part I before proceeding! ~A

Mistake #2: Telling way too much information about yourself.

This is easy to do. Why? Because we all like to talk about ourselves. But how many times do we really, I mean really, enjoy hearing every last detail about someone else's moderately-to-non-interesting story? For example, say you (the female) just started playing badminton and casually say you need someone to practice with. What's the better response from a guy overhearing this?

A) "You play badminton? Where do you play badminton? I used to play tennis, but I hurt my elbow when I was rocking a Coca-Cola machine trying to get a free drink at the tennis courts. You see, I'd just dropped my wallet in the toilet and the machine wouldn't take my wet dollars. My grandmother was sure ticked when she came to pick me up!" (For purposes of this post we've got to assume that this is true, but it's worthwhile to note that if you've already got her laughing, and this line is not in fact true and you are kidding, then it just might work - sense of humor is one of the better qualities to have, and it shows that you aren't "scared to death" of her.)

Or

B) "You play badminton? How long have you been doing that? I'm pretty competitive, but I might slow down for ya."

Hopefully you picked option "B". Option A, unless you're kidding and she's in the mood for kidding, is far too much information. Bad information. Option B has plenty of invitation for her to come back and ask for more detail on your competitive badminton career, or even say "you're on!" And that's what you want - to spark some interest in her about you.

Guru - how do you handle a guy making mistake #2?

Correct again Guyru! If you are kidding, then Option A MIGHT work. Otherwise, Option B is the correct answer. This gives us the opportunity to "take the bait" so to speak, and offer a competitive game of badminton. If however, we are not interested, or perhaps too stupid to catch on, then we will just laugh it off, answer your question about how long we've been playing, and give you no other "signals" to pursue us.

The subtle art of "manning-it-up" Part I

The following is the beginning of a four-part series designed to help men find a healthy balance between "manning-it-up" and "digging their own grave" in the dating world. Stay tuned to catch the entire series! Please feel free to add your own insights from your personal dating life!

So guys; it's come to my attention that "manning-it-up" isn't quite as easy and fun as females make it sound. In fact, if overdone it can get pretty annoying pretty quickly to the fairer sex. So this post is dedicated to those among you who don't quite see the fine line between laying the bait and hoping to make a catch, versus hitting her over the head with a club and dragging her back to your place (BTW - the latter is not legal, anymore). Girls, this isn't a free ride for you either. I'd really like to hear from the Dating Guru as to how a girl goes about giving the hint that she's not interested in someone who's overly-manning-it-up, without unwittingly encouraging the thick-witted guy into further pursuit. As Ricky Ricardo would say, "Let me 'splain..."

Common mistakes you might find yourself making when "manning-it-up" (this is for GUYS! Girls, feel free to offer an Amen!).

Mistake #1: "I'm free every night/all weekend!"

If a girl says to a guy that she doesn't have any plans this weekend, that's a cue for a guy to pursue. If a guy says "I can do something any night this week, and I'm free all weekend," well, that just screams looser! I don't know why, and it's perfectly ok to have a slow week/weekend, but you have to preserve some of the mystery! At least pretend your time is valuable, and you are selective with it. Girls like to think they're getting something special. So you should probably suggest one particular day/time when manning-it-up. If she says no, and doesn't suggest another day/time, then tactfully say "well perhaps when you're less busy". Do not say "Well how about the next day? Or the day after that?" That = Desperate. (Desperate = Bad, in case you didn't know.)

Guru - how do you handle a guy making mistake #1? Remember when you posted "I think I would rather you actually tell me the truth than 'soften the blow'."? I know it's a little out of context but, well, unless you tell the guy "You're coming across as totally desperate and it's a big turn-off," then you're softening the blow, right? So...? What to do.

The Guyru is right on here - Amen! Now granted, we all have weekends where we are busy for its entirety, and then we have weekends where all we do is lay on the couch, eat popcorn, and watch T.V. As a girl, if a guy says to me: "Do you want to get together?" , and then he proceeds to say he's available any night, it does scream desperate/loser! If you are totally available, what I gather from that is "I have no friends to do anything with, and no social groups/clubs, and do not engage in any extracurricular activities" Now granted, I do realize what you're TRYING to say is "I really think you're awesome, and because of this, I want to do something with you whatever night is good for you."

The best way to handle the situation is this: Would you like to get together Friday night? If I really do have something to do on Friday night, AND I really would like to take you up on your offer, I will suggest an alternative day....i.e. "Oh I'd love to, but I've already got plans Friday night, could we get together Saturday night, or maybe next weekend?" If I'm not interested, and I'm trying to blow you off, I'll say "I'm sorry I have other plans." I will give no reasoning nor will I offer alternative days.

As a side note, ladies remember not to be too available either. If you're always available, the guy will begin to realize you'll drop anything to be with him; therefore, he will begin to see you as a "back-up plan" in case nothing else works out for him that night/weekend. He will begin to think YOU are the loser with no social life whatsoever.

Stay tuned for more mistakes to avoid!