I love you....

Q: What do you do when someone tells you they love you, but you don't feel the same?

A: You kindly reply "thank you" - kidding - Oh such an awkward moment! Why do they do that? Do they not know you are not ready to say that yet?? First of all DON'T say I love you back if you do not actually mean it! If you're not ready to say it back, then say something like "oh, that's so sweet" or "I really appreciate that, but I just don't think I'm ready to say that yet", or you could go with "Oh, I love spending time with you too" or "I really care about you too".

Good luck with that!

what are the rules?

Q: Can you ask out your best friends ex-girlfriend?

A: Sure, if you don't like your best friend very much! Really though, it all depends, there are WAY too many variables in this scenario!

First variable: How long did they date? If it was just a few months, then yes, there's a possibility here. If it was over a year, I'd say no.

Second variable: Why did they break up? Was it because your best friend was a jerk, or doesn't want to make a commitment? If so, then there's possibility. If she was the one with problems, then why are you wanting to go out with her?

Third variable: How long has it been since they broke up? I'd say you need to give it at LEAST a year before pursuing anything.

Fourth variable: Does your BFF still talk about her or have feelings for her? If so, then you don't need to go out with her.

Fifth (& last) variable: How sure are you that things will work out with this oh so wonderful girl? You better be pretty sure to put a friendship on the line!

thanks, but no thanks....

Q: So you're set up with someone, but for whatever reason you aren't all that into the person, or things otherwise don't work out. What's the polite way to say (to the person who was setting you up) thanks, but no thanks, but feel free to try again?

A: USUALLY, if someone is setting you up, you know them semi-well enough to tell them straight forward, thanks, but no thanks. If however, this matchmaker was an acquaintance, maybe from work, you should just be honest with them. When they come in on Monday morning and say (in the most exciting voice they have) Sooooo, how did things go with you and so & so Saturday night? You should be honest and just say, well he/she seemed really nice, but just isn't what I'm looking for. Then you can offer to make a list of the qualities you are looking for so they can keep looking!

set up vs. chance

Q: Do you have any odds on the success rate of being set up with someone, as opposed to "freestyle" dating?

A: Most of the stats I found had to do with online matchmaking vs. "freestyle" dating. The first source says you are 44% more likely to find a partner using an online dating service vs. bar hoping. According to www.lemondrop.com your chance of finding the "perfect partner" in life is 1:285,000....comforting, real comforting! So, maybe if you surf the web while in a bar you will increase your odds?

the dot coms......

Q: How do you feel about internet dating?

A: I think internet dating is kind of like Chinese food. Some people love Chinese food, some people hate it. Is it wrong to eat Chinese food just because some people don't like it, well of course not! Should you be careful when eating Chinese food.....oh yes you should!!!

Me personally, I'm not a big fan. There's just something creepy about it to me. I feel like when it's time to meet my Mr. Right, it will happen. I figure if people in the horse and buggy days can meet the man/woman of their dreams, and they didn't travel more than a 10 mile radius their entire life, I'll be ok in this big 'ole world I live in these days. Do I judge you if you have tried internet dating sites......maybe a little.....just kidding.

Just in case you were wondering, I've been oh so kind and found some popular (& not so popular) sites for you to visit if you're interested.

www.eharmony.com
www.match.com
www.chemistry.com
www.plentyoffish.com
www.sugardaddie.com (only if you want a sugar daddy!)

matchmaker matchmaker make me a match.....

Q: Is matchmaking a skill or do people just do this when they know two random single people?

A: Matchmaking is by no means a skill! In my experience, I think people have no clue what they're doing most of the time. This is how I think it plays out in the matchmaker's head: "Oh she's single, oh he's single, they're about the same age.....they'd be PERFECT for each other."......WRONG!

The best match maker knows both individuals on a somewhat personal level, knows what they are looking for in a partner and then matches based on compatible traits.

you're worth so much more....

As a woman, it is ingrained in us to be needed, to be wanted, and to be loved. While you are dating, it is important to remember your true value! I heard an illustration recently that I loved.

Suppose you are at a coffee house. They come around offering a free cup of their new flavored coffee. Sure, you'll try it. What's it gonna hurt? If you don't like it, you're not out any money, & you'll just throw it away and buy something you actually do like (for me, it's white chocolate mocha with whip...yum!)

Now, if they come to your table and offer the same cup of coffee for $5 would you be as likely to buy it? Probably not. You wouldn't want to spend your money until you were certain you'd like it. Maybe you'd ask a friend about it, read some reviews, and then, after you're SURE you'll like it, the $5 would be worth the cup of coffee.

As a woman, do you want to be the free cup of coffee? The one that everyone tries because there are no strings attached? The one that will just be thrown away if it's not good enough? Of course not! You want to be the one that was worth waiting for, you want to know a man chose you after finding out what wonderful qualities you had to offer (after he got "good reviews" on you, he now knows that just like a good mocha, you're hot, you're sweet & the milk ain't spoiled!).

As a guy, would you want to date the "free cup of coffee" or the more esteemed "$5 cup"?

Just food for thought (no pun intended!).

worst date?

Q: So readers, I have a question for you. What is the WORST date you've ever been on?

Can't wait to hear your stories!!

(even if you comment anonymously please specify if you are male or female)

getting back on the horse again....

Q: I've been out of the dating arena for a while, I'm now divorced, and I'm ready to get back in the dating scene, so how do I start?

A: First, you must make yourself feel beautiful. You need to be confident in what you have to offer someone. Notice, I said feel beautiful. There are no doubt, some things you like about yourself, and some things you do not. Focus on the things you do like about yourself & accentuate these things. Second, do not try to force a relationship. If you have the attitude "I'm ready now, so Mr./Ms. Right will now come along" you will certainly be disappointed. Lastly, do not make dating the focus of your life. Just LIVE your life. Enjoy every minute of it! When the time is right, he/she will come along!

hug-e gram

Please, please, please, do not EVER get your girlfriend one of these!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPoDIhTRo1k&feature=player_embedded

the break up....

Q: How do you break up with your girlfriend?

A: IN PERSON! Not by email, text or a friend. Do it face to face, like a man! I know it is harder that way, but it is much more appreciated.

I know my motto is to break up as soon as you know it's not right, but it still makes me sad to know someone is getting broken up with soon!

clarification question

Q: A reader has asked this question in reference to my "just" friends post...if it does start out that way, in your belief and experience, what are the odds that both persons will want the friendship to move on to something more?

A: Please note there are no statistics to actually back my data up, but I believe there will be a less than 5% chance of both parties eventually "falling" for each other. I know it does happen, but I think if you do have some attraction for the other person it will come out sooner rather than later. Therefore, if the "friends" are to become "more than friends" I think it will happen in the first few months, not after five years. Are there exceptions to the rule? Absolutely....if you live on the TV show Friends.

north vs south?

Q: Are Yankee girls all that much different, in your experience, dating-wise, than Southern girls?

A: Being that I've never dated a Yankee girl OR a Southern gal, I have no clue. Maybe some fellow male blog readers can help you out! I would like to think Southern girls truly do offer a little more Southern charm!

"just" friends?

Q: Can a guy & girl ever truly be "just" friends?

A: In my experience, no. It may start out that way, but eventually one of the parties will begin to fall for the other. One person will want the friendship to move on to something more, and the other person won't. Eventually the friendship will fizzle because you know it will never be "more than friends". It's really a sad thing, but it happens, way too often.

single & satisfied - part II

As promised, this is part II of single & satisfied. Hopefully these Biblical guidelines will inspire you to stay satisfied in your singleness!

There are days where I dwell on my singleness. I think about “when I get married” and somehow think life will be perfect then. I have learned contentment is not based on a relationship with another person. Contentment comes from within. (Phil 4:12) It is in these times I have to focus on what is real, what is true. (Phil 4:8). I recently heard a young woman who was asked if she felt “called” to singleness, and her reply has stuck with me. She said, “in this moment I am”. I feel this is so true, we do not know when our prince charming will come, and until he does, we are called to singleness.

This world tells us so many lies: lies about our appearance, lies about our relationship status, and lies that say our social status is based on our ability to bear children. When in reality, every single one of us is PERFECT - Fearfully & Wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14). We have all been created with a purpose. We must CHOOSE happiness. If we dwell on the “what-ifs” of life, we will never be content. We are made to have joy; we are made to be prosperous. So many times we forget the little things, the everyday things that are gifts. The sunrises & the sunsets, the flowers, the snow, and yes even the rain. When the rain comes I am reminded that the beauty of the flowers comes because of the rain. Without rain, there would be no rainbows. In our lives we must learn that in order to see the rainbows of our life, we must endure the rain (Ps. 30:5).

1 Corinthians 7:7 “I wish everyone could get along w/out marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the GIFT of singleness!” A GIFT….He calls it a gift. A gift specifically designed just for you!

Psalm 139: 13 & 16 “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mothers womb.” v16: “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” - The Lord knew you before your conception. He made you PERFECTLY in His will. He knows every single thing that will happen to you; every day of your life has already been written. It is senseless to worry about when you will meet your spouse, and how you will meet your spouse. It is already planned! There is NOTHING you can do to alter His timing! - Philippians 4: 6 “Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future & a hope.” - Your waiting, which may seem like an eternity, is to prosper you, NOT to harm you!

Be assured the Lord hears you when you call! The times when you are angry and you yell & scream life isn’t fair, He hears you! Ps. 3:4 “I cried out to the Lord & he answered me from his holy mountain.” Ps 4:3 “…The Lord will answer when I call to him.” Ps. 28:6 “Praise the Lord! He has heard my cry for mercy.” Ps. 34:15 “…his ears are open to their cries for help”….v17 “The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.”

Ps. 18:19 “He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.” I love that he says he DELIGHTS in ME! Little ole me!

Ps. 27:10 “Even if my father & mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.” - I have always liked to argue that God can be my protector, provider, but he can’t “hold me” when I need a hug…and then I found this verse…He always proves He knows my needs. ☺

Ps. 37:4 “Take delight in the Lord & he will give you your hearts desires.” - Does this mean if you desire a million dollars he will give it to you? NO. As you dwell in His presence, your desires & His desires will merge and your desires will become his desires.

Prov. 16:9 “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” - No matter WHAT we do, He has our lives in His hands. No matter how much we try to rush our husband into our lives, he will not come until the Lord determines we are both ready for the commitment.

Whether you ever find “Mr. Right” or not, remember this world is not our home. The life we live is only temporary. (Heb. 13:14).

single & satisfied - part I

Q: I have always been ok with being single for the most part, but lately I've started struggling with it. Do you have any reading suggestions? I would prefer devotions... Also what are some ideas you have about ways to improve the singleness state of mind?

A: While most of my posts are usually pretty "generic" in nature, because of your specific request for devotions, this post will be more spiritual in nature, and I will share ways to utilize your faith to make your singleness an exciting, and not a dreadful state of your life!

Here are some books I have read at some point in my life that I've really enjoyed:

• Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge
• What's a Girl to Do? (while waiting for Mr. Right) by Janet L. Folger
• Two dates or Less by Neil Clark Warren - hence why only one guy has made it to a 3rd date w/me in the past 5 years! :)
• For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn - This book is about understanding the inner lives of men. It was a HUGE eye opener for me, and it really changed the way I interact w/men. It is a Bible study & has some videos to go with it as well.
• Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones

You asked how to improve the "single state of mind". When I begin to feel sorry for myself, I have to focus on truth. I begin to focus on the good things about my life. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends, I've never been hungry, I've never been homeless, I have a job, a vehicle, food, clothes, an education, and of course, a loving Heavenly Father. Sometimes you may even need to write out all the wonderful things about your life. When you put them on paper and begin to see how amazing your life truly is, it's kinda hard to feel sorry for yourself anymore.

I'm working on part II, which will have scripture to support you during your single life!

friends first

Q: "Friends First" - is this just code for "You didn't really impress me the first time we met, so unless I fall on my head and knock something loose you haven't got a chance."?

A: Without a doubt.....yes.

embarassing moment

Q: What do you do if you run into your boyfriend's mom as you are walking out of Victoria's Secret w/a bag of purchases?

A: RUN! as fast as you can!!! pretend you didn't see her, go the opposite direction, stuff the bag in your purse, run back into the store, if you've already made eye contact, then just tell her you were buying a gift for a lingerie shower you're going to this weekend!

have fun @ Sunday lunch this week! :)

happy dating! `A

to pursue, or not pursue, that is the question....

Q: I like a girl, and would like to pursue her. She's really sweet, and the more I've been around her, the less shy she's become. The more she acts like herself around me, the more I like, and the more I want to know. The only concern I have is that I might not be available as much as she might like. I run my own business, and I'm a full-time student earning a master's degree. Having been in a very serious relationship before, I know it takes a lot of time and effort. I'm certain she deserves someone's full attention, so should I pursue her despite my hectic schedule? She is in college too, so maybe that would balance things out? I don't graduate for a year, and I'd rather not wait that long. Too many things could change, and I might miss my opportunity. What do you think?

A: I say go for it! It sounds like you understand the time & effort a relationship takes, and it sounds like you desire to be the best boyfriend you can be for her. While it may not be "easy" with a full time job & school, you can make it work! Seize the opportunity while it presents itself, and if its not meant to be, well, at least you'll know! Good luck!

happy dating! `A

relationship vs religion

Q: What do I do when me & my boyfriend can't see eye to eye on our religious beliefs?

A: Honey, do I know that argument all to well! First you need to decide how important your belief system is to you. You need to decide what you are willing to compromise, if anything. If you have minor differences there may actually be a solution. If you have major differences, you will never see eye to eye on your beliefs and it will cause serious problems if you move into a marriage relationship. Would I ever suggest a marriage dissolving over these differences? Absolutely Not! If you are already in a committed relationship, you are going to have to have a tough discussion about the topic. You can't let it be the elephant in the room that no one wants to discuss. You need to list the things that are important to you, have your partner list the things that are important to them, and then focus on the things that you do agree on. Find a place to worship where you can share the "likes". Instead of saying "I don't like this @ your church, or I don't like that" try finding the positives and then attempt to find a place of worship that blends the positive aspects that you both agree upon.

happy dating! `A